In my work as a trainer for models for communication and stress management based on psychology, I often see how deeply held beliefs – what Transactional Analysis calls “life scripts” – that we have internalised quietly shape our behaviour, communication, and self-worth. Within this false belief system are some myths that promote behaviours we use to reinforce the internalised negative beliefs. Overcoming these myths can thus become important life lessons for all of us.
The Process Communication Model
The Process Communication Model (PCM), developed by Dr. Taibi Kahler, identifies six Personality Types, each with unique myths that form under stress and influence how they try to earn acceptance and value.
For those of you already familiar with PCM and the six Personality Types, know that the most apparent myth we employ during our day-to-day, is one of the myths of our Base Personality Type. This is called the “Driver” – or the first degree of distress and, when activated, comes with specific associated behaviours.
Understanding and challenging these myths is a powerful path toward emotional freedom, authentic relationships, and a more fulfilling life. They are important life lessons for us to master.
The Process Communication Model® (PCM) is a powerful and practical framework to help identify these dysfunctional patterns (“Drivers”) – and shift into healthier behaviours. These Drivers show up in our communication, revealing ingrained beliefs we adopted to feel safe, seen, and accepted.
Let’s look at the six PCM personality types, the myths they tend to hold, and how to overcome them for happier and more fulfilling lives.
1. Thinker Personality – “I have to be perfect to be OK.”
The Myth: Thinkers are analytical, responsible, and logical individuals who often equate self-worth with competence, organisation, and correctness. Under stress, their drive for perfection can become rigid, and mistakes feel like failures of identity. The myth can be stated as: “You can make me feel good emotionally by doing the thinking for me”.
Driver: Be Perfect for you.
Communication and behavioural clues: Driven to attempt to be understood, justifications, over-detailing, complicated sentences, qualifiers, stops delegating, long and complicated statements.
Examples:
- “I’ve looked at the options and considered the pros and cons of each, which I have put into this spreadsheet, bearing in mind there are other ways to look at it…”
- “I’m not exactly, precisely sure what you mean.”
Potential problems: Analysis paralysis, inefficiency, and immense internal pressure as they constantly try to achieve flawless results.
The Life Lessons:
- “I am valuable even when I make mistakes.”
- Embrace the value of progress over perfection
Helpful affirmations:
- “My thinking and ideas are goodenough as they are.”
- “I don’t have to be in control of what people think.”
- “When I stop talking and make room for others to ask questions, then I can be most helpful.”
- “Done is better than perfect”.
Path to Growth:
- Practice self-compassion when mistakes occur instead of harsh self-criticism: challenge the internal critic with kindness. Replace “I must get this right” with “I’m allowed to learn.”
- Set realistic standards by asking “Is this good enough?” rather than “Is this perfect?”
- Celebrate progress, not just outcomes (Progress over perfection).
- Learn to delegate and trust others – it builds connection and eases the burden of control.
- Surround yourself with environments that value learning over perfection.
- Develop a growth mindset that views mistakes as learning opportunities.
- Take small risks where failure is acceptable to build tolerance for imperfection.
- Listen for sentences that contain the myth, to raise your awareness.
2. Persister Personality – “You have to be perfect to be OK.”
The Myth: Persisters are driven by values, principles, and high expectations. While similar to the Thinker’s myth, Persisters project their perfectionism outward. They hold high standards not just for themselves but for others. Under stress, they often become judgmental when these standards aren’t met and display conditional acceptance of others. The myth can be stated as: “I can make you feel good emotionally by doing the thinking for you.”
Driver: Be perfect for me
The Life Lessons:
- “People are OK even when they make mistakes.”
- Accept that different paths to success exist beyond your own beliefs
Communication and behavioural clues: Judgmental, rhetorical or long and over-complicated questions, expects others to Be Perfect, focuses on what is wrong, not on what is right.
Examples:
- “What, precisely, do you mean when you…?”
- “don’t you believe that it would be better if you called him first; that is to say shouldn’t you communicate this directly, as it were?”
Potential Problems: Others experience pressured to perform, over-adapt, or withdraw. They might feel that no matter what they do, they aren’t enough/OK/worthwhile.
Helpful affirmations:
- “It’s OK to share my views without expecting others to agree.”
- “I can inspire others by modelling what matters to me.”
- “By asking direct, open questions, I get clearer answers.”
Path to Growth:
- Listen for sentences that contain the myth, to raise your awareness.
- Shift from judgment to curiosity about others’ perspectives and approaches.
- Ask: “What can I learn about this person’s point of view?”.
- Distinguish between core values and preferences/opinions.
- Focus on appreciating others’ strengths rather than spotting their flaws.
- Develop flexibility in how you define “success” or “correctness”.
- Practice accepting situations and people as they are before seeking change.
- Practice empathy and appreciation for diverse views.
- Journal about moments when someone surprised you positively after you let go of expectations.
- Engage in mindfulness to soften inner rigidity and create space for empathy.
- Develop a daily gratitude practice, to train you to see the positives too.
Do you recognise yourself in any of these myths?
Stay tuned for the next article, approaching the myths of the Harmoniser and Imaginer PCM Personality Types.
I hope you found this article useful!
Stay happy, stay safe, stay healthy,
Magda.
My PCM Training Courses
If you want to get your own PCM Personality Profile, as well as a host of amazingly insightful information about yourself and others, come and join me for one of my Open PCM Training courses (see more info below) or find out if we can collaborate for an in-house PCM Training for your teams.
We go into the subject of PCM Personality Types and what they mean for your leadership approach, your communication and stress management, as well as many more interesting themes in my PCM training courses. I normally deliver PCM in-house, face-to-face or online, for organisations around Europe and the world.
However, twice a year (in early spring and autumn), I organise Open PCM Training Courses, where anyone can sign up. These are for all those who want to know themselves better and improve their relationships, their communication and their stress management.
The Open PCM Training Courses are organised as a 5-week programme: we meet online every week for 4 hours to learn and practice, and then we have homework from one week to another to “play the detective” and practice again what we’ve learnt. If this interests you, check out the Open PCM Training Programme presentation page or schedule a virtual coffee with me to learn more about it.
PS: A big reason I write is to meet people so feel free to say Hi! on Linkedin here or follow my Instagram here, as I’d love to learn more about you.
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