This is the second of three parts of this article. In the first part, which you can read HERE, I’ve introduced the PCM Model and explained why each Personality Type comes with certain myths and “life lessons” attached, and I’ve approached the life lessons for the Thinker and Persister Personality Types. If you haven’t read it already, I warmly recommend that you do.
Today, I’ll discuss the myths and associated life lessons for the Harmoniser and Imaginer Personality Types in PCM.
3. Harmoniser Personality – “I have to please you to be OK.”
The Myth: Harmonisers seek harmony and emotional connection. Under stress, they may prioritize others’ needs so much that they lose touch with their own, believing their worth comes from pleasing others. The myth can be stated as: “You can make me feel good emotionally by doing the thinking for me.
Driver: Please you
Communication and behavioural clues: soft language, over-apologizing, vague requests. Doesn’t say “No”, over-adapts to others, doesn’t ask directly for things, becomes wishy-washy in decision making.
Examples:
- “Maybe we could take a break?”
- “If it’s OK with you, I’d like to share something…”
- “I have a silly little question…”
Potential Problems: Struggles with decision-making, lack of assertiveness, self-denegrating.
The Life Lesson:
- “My needs and feelings matter too.”
- My boundaries deserve equal respect.
Helpful affirmations:
- “My feelings and ideas are important too.”
- “It’s OK to ask for what I want.”
- “It’s OK to say no.”
- “Others’ reactions don’t define my worth.”
Path to Growth:
- Use “I feel” statements to express emotions honestly.
- Start small by expressing one personal preference daily
- Practice saying “no” to minor requests before tackling bigger boundaries, thus, you’ll set small boundaries to practice self-advocacy.
- Spend time identifying your own true desires and needs without considering what others would prefer. Create space for self-care without guilt.
- Separate self-worth from others’ approval through positive self-affirmations.
- Recognize that authentic relationships require honesty, not just harmony.
- Affirm your worth internally rather than waiting for external validation.
- Grow awareness that no matter what you’ll do and say, some people won’t like you – and that’s OK
- Listen for sentences that contain the myth, to raise your awareness.
4. Imaginer Personality – “I have to be strong to be OK.”
The Myth: Imaginers value solitude and reflection. Under stress, they tend to retreat inward and may disconnect from emotions to appear strong. Their reflective nature can lead to withdrawal rather than vulnerability. The myth can be stated as: “You can make me feel good emotionally by doing the thinking for me.
Driver: Be strong for you
Communication and behavioural clues: Detached, starts phrases but doesn’t finish them, believes that things or people are in charge of their thoughts or emotions, third-person phrasing.
Examples:
- “It occurred to me one could…”
- “An idea came to me”
- “Nothing comes to mind”
- “One wonders what could happen next.”
Potential Problems: Withdraws from others as sources of help, low initiative, lack of direction.
The Life Lesson:
- “I can ask for support and still be strong.”
- True strength comes from embracing vulnerability.
Helpful affirmations:
- “I can tell myself what to do next.”
- “When I express how I’m doing, I can get support.”
- “I can ask for guidance to move forward.”
Path to Growth:
- Speak from the first person to reclaim agency.
- Practice naming emotions as you experience them rather than retreating into contemplation.
- Listen for sentences that contain the myth, to raise your awareness.
- Reach out even when to do so may feel uncomfortable – connection can be grounding.
- Develop small routines that bring you out of isolation without overwhelming your inner world.
- Allow yourself to enjoy safe relationships.
- Redefine strength as including sensitivity and interdependence. Recognize that asking for help demonstrates wisdom, not weakness
- Share small personal truths with trusted individuals to build comfort with vulnerability
- Connect your rich inner world with external reality through creative expression
- Set small goals for social engagement and meaningful connection.
Stay tuned for the next article, approaching the myths of the Rebel and Promoter PCM Personality Types.
I hope you found this article useful!
Stay happy, stay safe, stay healthy,
Magda.
My PCM Training Courses
If you want to get your own PCM Personality Profile, as well as a host of amazingly insightful information about yourself and others, come and join me for one of my Open PCM Training courses (see more info below) or find out if we can collaborate for an in-house PCM Training for your teams.
We go into the subject of PCM Personality Types and what they mean for your leadership approach, your communication and stress management, as well as many more interesting themes in my PCM training courses. I normally deliver PCM in-house, face-to-face or online, for organisations around Europe and the world.
However, twice a year (in early spring and autumn), I organise Open PCM Training Courses, where anyone can sign up. These are for all those who want to know themselves better and improve their relationships, their communication and their stress management.
The Open PCM Training Courses are organised as a 5-week programme: we meet online every week for 4 hours to learn and practice, and then we have homework from one week to another to “play the detective” and practice again what we’ve learnt. If this interests you, check out the Open PCM Training Programme presentation page or schedule a virtual coffee with me to learn more about it.
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