Have you ever noticed how good it feels to stick with your usual coffee order, your favourite route to work, or the same seat in a meeting room? That’s no coincidence – our brain actually loves familiarity. And there’s a good reason for it.
Let’s take a peek into the brain for a moment. Deep inside, in the limbic system (also called the paleomammalian brain), there’s a part called the amygdala, which acts like our internal alarm system. Tha amygdala is constantly scanning for danger. New or unfamiliar things? The amygdala sees them as potential threats until proven otherwise. This is, in fact, a survival mechanism – it kept our ancestors safe when “new” often meant “dangerous”. Even today, unfamiliar situations trigger a small stress response, whether it’s starting a new job, meeting someone new, or changing a routine.
The Rider might say, “Let’s try something new!” – because that is the part of our brain open to novelty, to trying new things, discovering, exploring, analysing options, etc. But if the Elephant feels uncertain or anxious, it resists. And since the Elephant is much bigger and stronger, it often wins. Familiar routines feel safe to the Elephant, so it stays calm. Unfamiliar situations? That’s when the Elephant starts to wobble.
From a neuroscience perspective, familiarity means less work for the brain. And our brain wants to spend as little energy as possible (thus, less work = good!). Known situations are like well-trodden paths in our neural network. The brain uses less energy and processes information faster when we’re in familiar territory. That’s why habits feel effortless and change feels hard – it literally requires more brainpower!
So what does this mean for us?
- If you’re leading a team through change, expect resistance – not because people are stubborn, but because their “Elephant” is reacting.
- If you want to build new habits, start small. The Elephant needs time to trust a new path.
- And if you’re stepping into something unfamiliar, give yourself some grace. You’re not “bad at change” – you’re just human.
Familiarity isn’t bad – it gives us comfort and stability. But when we understand why our brain prefers it, we can work with both the Rider and the Elephant to explore the new, while still feeling safe.
I hope you found this article useful!
Stay happy,
Magda.
PS: A big reason I write is to meet people so feel free to say Hi! on Linkedin here or follow my Instagram here, as I’d love to learn more about you.
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