I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I meet people who don’t seem to possess certain qualities I deem important (even though they possess many others), I find myself not giving my best in that relationship. At times, I might even fail to recognise the value they can offer because they lack those qualities I desire and expect in certain situations. This tendency is partially connected to my personality biases.
Let me provide a clear real-life example:
In January, I enrolled in a year-long programme about copywriting, storytelling, funnels, etc. The organizer of the programme came highly recommended by several people, and I liked what I heard from him on a podcast.
The programme has now commenced, and I find myself not fully engaged, despite having paid for it.
What personality biases are at play here?
I’ve reflected on why this is happening and concluded that it’s mainly because I’m somewhat unsettled by the lack of organization and information regarding the sessions in the programme – which I tend to interpret (in my biased mind) as a lack of responsibility on the part of the organizer.
We are now one month into the programme, and still don’t have a clear calendar or agenda for our sessions. It is known that we meet almost every Saturday morning and on some Wednesday afternoons, but that’s all. We only found out about the Wednesday sessions two weeks ago, as we were informed that one of these sessions would take place in 11 days.
However, the agenda for those meetings remains unclear. Despite our repeated requests, a schedule with an agenda has not been provided even two weeks later…
I’ve also discovered that the weekly homework tends to take around 2-3 hours each week. While I knew we would have homework, I had anticipated it would take about 1 hour…
Am I sounding like I’m ranting?
Yes, I am… and I even know why – PCM explains it: it’s all connected to my very strong Thinker Personality Type – which is my second floor in my Personality Condominium, with almost 90% energy. The “Thinker” floor in all of us brings qualities such as responsibility, logic, and organisation to the table, and it naturally seeks these in people and situations around us.
Thus, I am accustomed to having a clear schedule as far in advance as possible because both my personality and my type of work require it… and yet, I didn’t receive that at all.
This need for structure is also connected with one of the Psychological Needs of the “Thinker” floor, which is very important to me: Time Structure. In this situation, this need is not met; in fact, it’s being negatively impacted.
Personality blind spots can affect our relationships
In summary, this is my subjective experience of what is happening in this programme, and it has a lot to do with my Personality Structure. I can see other participants in the programme who struggle like me with the lack of clarity and others who are fine. And it is evident to me that this aspect (organization, structure) is like a personality blind spot for the organizer.
On my part, I will take the opportunity to share my needs with him in a one-on-one chat that we’ll have very soon. I will do so as constructively as possible, and I hope he can enhance my experience in the programme – he has a team to support him, so he can easily delegate tasks where he’s not at his best (which I have learned is a very powerful habit of successful entrepreneurs!).
How often do we lose opportunities because of our personality blind spots?
However, this makes me wonder – in our business and personal relationships – how many times do we make those relationships worse (or we lose clients) because of our personality blind spots? We might not even realize that some people might expect certain things/behaviours from our side because they are not important to us… and yet, the absence of those behaviours might lead to missed opportunities.
Just see my example: I am not truly appreciating the extra learning offered by the Wednesday sessions, just because I didn’t know about them in time and they are taking an extra 3 hours every two weeks that I was not planning for… Also, as you can see, I didn’t even mention that I learned useful things during these sessions already… because I was focusing on the negative… and… you remember, our brain focuses on the negative. However, now that I am aware of this bias I have and that I do plan to discuss the issue with the programme creator, I think I’ll be better prepared to make the most of the programme and focus on the good things it brings.
My PCM Training Courses
We go into the subject of our Personality Biases and many more interesting themes in my PCM training courses. I normally deliver PCM in-house, face-to-face or online, for organisations around Europe.
However, twice a year (in early spring and autumn), I organise Open PCM Courses, where anyone can sign up. One session in English and one in Romanian. These are for all those who want to know themselves better and improve their relationships, their communication and their stress management.
The Open PCM Courses are organised as a 6-week programme: we meet online every week for 3h15’ to learn and practice and then we have homework from one week to another to “play the detective” and practice again what we’ve learnt. If this interests you, check out the presentation page of the Open PCM Training Programme or schedule a virtual coffee with me to learn more about it.
Hurry up! The next cohorts start on the 15/16th of February 2024.
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