You probably know by now that I recently got certified in the “Emotional Assertiveness” methodology. I am positively impressed by how this whole process of first learning and then delivering the training myself sheds light on so many ways in which I am NOT an emotionally assertive person. And how it already helps me to become more so.
Long journey ahead, but at least I now have a very good tool that can help me.
The Happiness Equation
The author of the Emotional Assertiveness Model (or, “The Happiness Equation”, as he likes to call it) is the British psychologist John Parr.
During the 1990’s, much was written about the importance of being Emotionally Intelligent, but none of the authors described how one could develop the capacity to be Emotionally Intelligent. Effectively, they suggested that you either did or did not possess a high EQ (Emotional Quotient).
John’s hypothesis is that we are all born with the capacity to express emotion authentically and it was in the school of life that we learned how to be less open and honest about our emotions.
Therefore, it is possible to recover our natural ability to use our emotions in a healthy way. He developed the model to achieve that.
So then, you might ask…
What is Emotional Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the act of calmly saying what one wants and being willing to repeat it, whilst remaining calm and respectful. This process encourages others ‘hear’ how important an issue is to you. It is about maintaining a win-win attitude whilst standing one’s ground.
Assertiveness is also about persistence, calmness, remaining firm, being confident and seeking a win-win outcome.
Assertiveness is often thought of as aggression; however, this is a misconception, aggression is far from assertive, rather it is manipulative.
Emotional assertiveness is the act of assertively expressing one’s authentic emotions with the objective to strengthen and deepen friendship and cooperation.
As such, it is an essential building block of healthy families, teams and organisations.
I don’t know how you feel after reading the lines above, but for me, that level of assertiveness is still far away. But I am already seeing improvements in many areas.
The Emotionally Assertive Person
… is the person who applies all of the above, of course…
But to be able to do that, one needs to recognise their emotions, discover which are the real underlying emotions (and which are cover-up emotions) and then understand what their emotions are telling them, what needs they have based on those emotions and then, finally communicate those needs to the people involved.
And, remember, as I was mentioning in my previous article based on Emotional Assertiveness – there are NO negative emotions. They are simply messengers.
I hope you’ve found this introduction to Emotional Assertiveness useful. I’m curious about how you see yourself from this perspective? Are you an emotionally assertive person? At all times? Or only with some people, but not with others… or only in some situations (at home) but not in others (at work)? I’d love to hear from you, so feel free to comment and share your experience!
Stay happy,
Magda.
PS: A big reason I write is to meet people so feel free to say Hi! on Linkedin here or follow my Instagram here, as I’d love to learn more about you.
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